“Iron Angels 3” Theatrical Poster

Director: Teresa Woo San
Cast: Moon Lee Choi-Fung, Alex Fong Chung-Sun, Kharina, Ralph Chan Shing-Gwai, Mark Steinborn, Katy Hickman, Marco Lo Chi-Fung, Bill Rockloff
Running Time: 91 min. 

By Z Ravas

1989’s Iron Angels 3 was the third Iron Angels film in as many years, which makes one wonder whether these movies were a smashing success in the local Hong Kong market or else Teresa Woo’s production company Molesworth simply hit a groove in the late 80’s that saw them turning out these Girls with Guns flicks with efficient ease. Either way, I must once again sing the praises of distributor Vinegar Syndrome for bringing together the entire trilogy in one attractive hi-def package, albeit in a limited number (they apparently sold out of the initial 5,000 print run in a matter of days).

For those of you just joining us, the Iron Angels series is a loose trilogy of Hong Kong action films about a co-ed Charlie’s Angels-like group of mercenaries; the Angels are the team that get called in when a terrorist or criminal threat is simply too much for local law enforcement to handle. I say ‘loose’ trilogy because continuity is not exactly a priority here; the purported leader of the Angels, portrayed by David Chiang, doesn’t show up in any of the sequels, and the lead actors are often playing characters named after themselves (Moon Lee stars as Moon, for instance), suggesting our protagonists are not so much fleshed out characters as they are mere avatars for our highly qualified cast of martial artists. In other words, you could probably get away with watching these Iron Angels films in any order without feeling lost.

While my recent rewatch of the original Iron Angels helped to solidify that film as one of my favorite Hong Kong action films of the 1980’s, I had to ding the sequel a little bit for bumping up Alex Fong’s bland character Alex to the lead—sidelining Girls with Guns icon Moon Lee in the process—and saving most of the rewind-worthy action for the ending. Fortunately, Part Three gets the series back on track by bumping up the action quotient and giving Moon Lee much more to do, even if it commits the almost unforgivable sin of dropping Elaine Lui from the cast. (I can’t find any information about why Elaine Lui was absent after being such a highlight of the first two Iron Angels; one suspects it may have simply come down to scheduling issues).

Iron Angels 2 saw the Angels on vacation in Malaysia; in their final outing, there’s no time for R&R as our heroes-for-hire are busy tracking the operation of a deadly criminal organization in Thailand. Once the Angels are boots on the ground, Alex teams up with some new compatriots, including a tech wizard gweilo who’s literally named Computer, while Moon Lee gets the juicier role of attempting to infiltrate the gang as an undercover agent. This leads to several standout action sequences for Moon, including a sensational fight in which she fends off an army of black-clad henchmen with nothing but her nunchaku and dynamic kicks.

Though perhaps it’s true that no film in this series except the original has been able to get the formula 100% correct, as Moon Lee proves conspicuously absent during the big finale here. It would have been preferable to see Moon get in on the action with Alex and his ally Kwai (played by Ralph Chen), but I can’t say too many bad things about the climax of Iron Angels 3. In fact, I don’t want to say too much about it at all for fear of ruining the surprise; let’s just say Teresa Woo takes a little bit of inspiration from Thunderball era James Bond and veers close to science-fiction territory in the process. The relentless, ‘infinite ammo’ shoot-em-up action of the finale was taking me back to those Time Crisis arcade cabinets, you know, the ones where you held a big blue or red plastic gun and mowed down wave after wave of disposable bad guys. The conclusion to Iron Angels 3 is a lot of fun if you can get on its ridiculous wavelength, ending the series on another high note, exempting our M.I.A. Moon Lee.

And I absolutely must mention an earlier scene where Alex Fong steps into the ring with a Muay Thai Boxer—their fight seems to rage on for a solid 10 minutes, but more importantly that Thai boxer is played by none other than the late, great Panna Rittikrai, mentor to Tony Jaa and a damn fine martial arts filmmaker himself. It’s a treat to see Rittikrai in his prime, delivering what look like some devastating flying knees to poor Alex Fong’s midsection.

Rare is the trilogy in which the sequels manage to top the benchmark set by a beloved original; even if the first Iron Angels remains the gold standard, director/producer Teresa Woo deserves credit for maintaining a level of quality throughout the series and for making sure the climax to Iron Angels 3 met expectations for a delirious action high.

By Z Ravas’s Rating: 7.5/10

The post Angel 3 | aka Iron Angels 3 (1989) Review first appeared on cityonfire.com.

“Killer Angels” Theatrical Poster

Director: Tony Liu Chun-ku
Cast: Moon Lee, Gordon Liu, Lau Siu Kwan, Leung Kar Yan, Fujimi Nadeki, Kingdom Yuen King Tan, Shing Fui On, Ng Man Tat, Tony Liu Jun Guk, Mark Houghton
Running Time: 91 min.

By Paul Bramhall

Like most fans of Hong Kong action, I have a soft spot for the Girls with Guns genre. Sure it was short lived (almost every entry that falls under the category was made between 1987 – 1993), and the sheer volume in which they were cranked out meant that there quickly became more bad than good, but there’s something about even the worst ones which means they’re never entirely unforgivable. There were essentially two Girls with Guns series, of which all of the other knock-offs and copy-cats looked to replicate. First was the Yes, Madam!/In the Line of Duty flicks, which were kicked off by Michelle Yeoh and Cynthia Rothrock in the 1985 original, however would subsequently be carried by Cynthia Khan in the following 5 entries (some of which are considered unofficial). Then there was 1987’s Iron Angels, which introduced us to the talents of Moon Lee, spawned 2 official sequels, and a plethora of other loose Angel tie-ins.

Killer Angels was one such production, made during the same year as Angel III, and gives us Moon Lee as one of the Blue Angels trio, a kind of mercenaries for hire service that the police sometimes enlist the services of. When a member of a mysterious triad group called the Shadow Gangsters returns from America, claiming to have a list of all of the HK members of the group, the angels are called in to provide him with protection in return for exchanging the list. Said protection takes the form of fending off the HK based sect of the Shadow Gangsters, led by the legendary Leung Kar Yan and his faithful subordinate, the equally legendary Gordon Liu. Cue the tropes we all come to these flicks for – gratuitous machine gun fire, explosions, hard hitting fights, and a general level of energy that belies the obviously low budget.

Helmed by Tony Liu Chun-ku, much of the reason why Killer Angels proves to be a superlative slice of Girls with Guns entertainment, is likely thanks to his involvement. A director who’d been active since the mid-70’s, after helming Hwang Jang Lee classics like Hell’s Windstaff and Tiger Over Wall, he moved onto directing some of the most well regarded 80’s era Shaw Brothers productions, such as Bastard Swordsman and Secret Service of the Imperial Court. By the end of the decade he’d become somewhat of a Girls with Guns aficionado, usually with Moon Lee as his leading lady, with the pair also working on Devil Hunters the same year as Killer Angels (in which he turns up in a minor role).

Almost as if Chun-ku’s mission statement was to create the archetypal template for any Girls with Guns flick (or late 80’s/early 90’s Hong Kong action movie for that matter), the opening of Killer Angels acts like a check list of required scenarios – assassination in a basement car park. Check. Businessman kidnapped by assailants wearing sunglasses, even though it’s at night. Check. Action scene in a container yard. Check. It may feel overly familiar, but there’s a welcome energy to the briskness of the pacing, and the action on display is crisp. Moon Lee is joined by fellow angel Kingdom Yuen (a name more epic than anything in the movie itself), who plays a geeky but equally capable member of the trio, and eventually a lawyer, played by Yuen Hung, who’s proves to be more lethal with her fists than her legal skills.

Much like the Iron Angels series which it riffs on, while the title indicates the plural, the real star of the show here is Moon Lee. Where Killer Angels sets itself apart from the series that inspired it though, is that Lee’s co-stars are just as proficient in screen fighting as she is. No offence to Elaine Lui of course, however she could never have been argued to been cast expecting to deliver top drawer fights (and notably she was missing in action from Angel III all together). Both Kingdom Yuen and Yuen Hung have the moves, and thankfully get a handful of opportunities to show them off. Both ladies get their licks in against Lau Siu Kwan, who plays the triad they’re protecting, and whose unwanted advances lead to him being kicked and thrown around like a ragdoll.

Such scenes are a reminder of just how much talent the Hong Kong stunt community had in the industries prime. Whereas today, being attached to a wire for the purpose of being launched across a room and thrown face first into a wall would (and rightly so) be considered a high impact money shot, back then it was filmed as if it was no more important that the dialogue scene that just preceded it. Killer Angels is one of those movies were people get punched and kicked around on a regular basis, absorbing some painful looking falls and impacts, the type which as fans we perhaps once took for granted. As the expression goes, you don’t know what you got ’till it’s gone, but thankfully there’s an almost never ending catalogue of HK action flicks that’ll always be there to enjoy.

The other standout of Killer Angels is Moon Lee’s performance itself. She gets a little bit more to do here than just look cute and kick ass, as she finds herself going undercover in a triad run hostess bar. Hired as a singer, this results in her being given a full length musical number, in which she belts out a surprisingly catchy slice of Canto-pop complete with choreographed dance moves and backup dancers. Ridiculously, this scene was completely cut from Tai Seng’s US VHS release, which should be considered a crime considering it’s such a highlight. She also finds herself involved in a rather bizarre love triangle with Gordon Liu, who plays a triad enforcer armed with an enormous revolver, and an affinity for wearing black leather (even his cap is leather!).

Much like the audience, Liu finds himself falling for the charms of Lee’s understated sexiness, and even when he finds out she’s undercover, can’t quite bring himself to pull the trigger. This doesn’t go down well with Liu’s floozy, played by Japanese femme fatale Takajo Fujimi, which leads to a nicely choreographed fight between her and Lee. Killer Angels was Fujimi’s debut, and her career never really took off the same way it did for her fellow countryman Yukari Oshima, possibly because she always seemed to be cast in roles similar to those that Oshima was known for. Despite having screen presence and the moves to back it up, she’d only clock up 13 credits in the 10 years she was active in the industry, with her final appearance in 1999’s forgettable The Kingdom of Mob. As a debut though, in Killer Angels she leaves an impression.

Be warned, if you’re a fan of the Master Killer, this is not the movie for you. Much like many of the movies Liu was making at the time (see also A Bloody Fight and My Heart is That Eternal Rose), he doesn’t throw a single punch or kick, although he does get to shoot a lot. Liu was an actor who always seemed a little lost without his mentor Lau Kar Leung, and he never was able to catch the same magic of his work at Shaw Brothers once the studio moved away from film production. Liu isn’t the only student of Kar Leung in Killer Angels, with Mark Houghton also making an appearance as a Middle Eastern(!?) human trafficker. Houghton had started training under Kar Leung the year prior, and made his debut in film the same year as Killer Angels with the Kar Leung directed Aces Go Places V: The Terracotta Hit.

The blonde gweilo does get his licks in against Moon Lee (in a room graffitied with ‘Jesus ♡ You’ of all places), with fellow Brit Wayne Archer facing off against Kingdom Yuen. The action, which strikes a nice balance between gun play and fist fights, is choreographed by Chui Fat (who also worked with Chun-ku and Moon Lee on Devil Hunters the same year). It marked the first time for the Shaw Brothers stalwart to go solo (unless you count Fearless Hyena 2, which I’m not sure he’d want), and he does an amicable job of putting together a number of brief but high impact exchanges. The final fight between Lee and Leung Kar Yan, who appears to be channelling the Yuen Wah look from Dragons Forever, crams in some painful falls and intense exchanges. It would have been nice if it’d lasted a little longer, but it’s still great a great match-up of two talented screen fighters.

Despite the genre being a minefield to navigate, Killer Angels is one Girls with Guns flick that’s definitely worth your time. The glorious illogic of it – I personally loved the fact that the ladies always seemed to have a grenade somewhere on their person to throw at people, regardless of the scenario – only adds to the charm, and it ticks all of the required boxes. Even the obscure ones that you didn’t realise you needed, like an action scene taking place in an abandoned old building full of breakable wooden furniture and tyres. For a throwback to when even the lesser budgeted Hong Kong movies delivered the goods, Killer Angels fits the bill perfectly. Did I mention Moon Lee sings?

Paul Bramhall’s Rating: 7/10

The post Killer Angels (1989) Review first appeared on cityonfire.com.

“Dreaming the Reality” Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Tony Liu Chun-Ku
Producer: Chui Fat
Cast: Moon Lee, Yukari Oshima, Sibelle Hu, Ben Lam Kwok Bun, Eddie Ko, Hsu Hsia, Lee Ho Kwan
Running Time: 102 min.

By Paul Bramhall

The years spanning 1991 – 1993 burned the brightest for the Girls with Guns genre, a 3-year period in which an almost countless number of butt kicking femme fatales graced the screen. Names like Moon Lee, Yukari Oshima, Cynthia Khan, Sibelle Hu, and Michiko Nishiwaki became almost inseparable from the genre, one which could be argued wouldn’t exist without them. While the wave of hard hitting ladies had gained popularity with entries like Yes, Madam! and In the Line of Duty III from the previous decade, there was something in the air during the early 90’s that saw the genre explode.

One of the best things to come out of this era was the pairing of Moon Lee and Yukari Oshima. A Chinese ballerina and a Japanese action actress, the pair first appeared onscreen together as heroine and villain in the 1986 classic Iron Angels. The deadly duo would go on to co-star in a further 8 movies together, although interestingly their sophomore pairing wouldn’t come until a whole 5 years later, with all 8 of the subsequent features they’d appear in being made between 1991 – 1993. Their second time to grace the screen as a duo saw them on the same side, in the form of 1991’s Dreaming the Reality, helmed by director Tony Liu Chun-Ku.

One of the most consistent directors working in the genre, Chun-ku helmed everything from early classics such as Hell’s Windstaff and Tiger Over Wall, to zany 80’s Shaw Brothers efforts like the Bastard Swordsman flicks and Secret Service of the Imperial Court. By the time it was the 90’s, he’d become somewhat of a Girls with Guns aficionado, and sat in the director’s chair for half of the 8 Moon Lee and Yukari Oshima pairings from the period. In addition to Lee and Oshima, Dreaming the Reality also throws Sibelle Hu into the mix, an actress who came to embody the Girls with Guns genre, ever since she appeared as the commanding sergeant in 1988’s The Inspector Wears Skirts.

All three of the actresses, and director, would constantly be within each other’s orbits in the late 80’s/early 90’s. Both Sibelle Hu and Moon Lee starred in Chun-Ku’s Devil Hunters in 1989, in which Hu suffered serious burn injuries, when an explosion went off early before she could jump out of a window. In Dreaming the Reality you can see the scars she suffered on her hand, a reminder of just how dangerous stuntwork can be. The trio of ladies also featured in Chen-Ku’s The Big Deal and Angel Terminators 2.

Dreaming the Reality plays out as two separate storylines for almost half the runtime, each of which has a tone that varies wildly from the other, somewhat to the detriment of the production. The main storyline concerns Lee and Oshima as a pair of orphans, who have been raised as assassins by Eddie Ko, along with another orphan played by Anthony Cho. When a cop who’s been using Ko’s services reveals that his dealings have been exposed, and an Interpol agent is enroute to Hong Kong with a floppy disk containing all their transactions, Ko sends Lee and Oshima to intercept the disk and kill the agent, who’s transferring in Thailand.

Meanwhile, in Thailand, Hu plays a beer guzzling cigarette smoking bar owner (who naturally happens to be an ex-cop). Kind of a female prototype for Chow Yun Fat’s Tequila character in Hard Boiled if you will, which would come a year later. Hu has a brother played by Ben Lam, a talented martial artist who never quite hit it big the way he should of, who wants to be a Thai boxer. When Lam’s ambitions lead him to fall under the management of a Triad, played by Hsu Hsia (director of the likes of Kid from Kwangtung and Crystal Hunt), his change of heart to no longer fight doesn’t go down too well, and the usual chaos ensues.

For those familiar with the genre, it should come as no surprise that proceedings relocate to Thailand. Despite its popularity, the Girls with Guns flicks that populated the early 90’s landscape all came with cheap and cheerful budgets, and Thailand became a popular location that allowed the crew to get more bang for their buck, usually in a literal sense. Unfortunately the Thai setting also tended to result in one of two scenarios used to pad out the time – either extended travelogue sequences, or overly long Muay Thai matches.

Admittedly, the Lee/Oshima vehicle Kickboxers Tears also falls into the latter category, despite not having a Thai setting, however in Dreaming the Reality it’s particularly prevalent. Lam’s main match goes on for a whopping 4 rounds, which is about 2 too many. In many ways Thai kickboxing matches were to HK cinema in the early 90’s, what MMA is to modern day action flicks. Yes when it’s the real deal they’re pretty exciting to see, but as choreographed bouts, regardless of how authentic the techniques may be, they don’t lend themselves well to screen fighting, and are usually pretty dull to watch.

Thankfully the main plot of Lee and Oshima as the pair of assassins compensates for the slightly grating pairing of Sibelle Hu and Ben Lam as the quarrelling siblings. The movie kicks off with the characters still as children, learning to shoot despite their young age. Hilariously, the child version of Cho’s character then turns up and shoots the girls rabbit, which sends it flying into the air like a spring-loaded rocket bunny. It’s refreshing to see the deadly duo in such atypical roles, and there’s something undeniably cool about their Mark Gor inspired wardrobe and slow motion strutting, as they riddle their surroundings (and targets) with bullets. Naturally, a series of brief but hard hitting scuffles are scattered through the runtime, including a botched restaurant hit that has Lee and Oshima showing off their physical prowess, and a training sequence in which they face off against each other.

There’s an interesting subtext going on in the relationship between the pair, with Lee cast as the distinctly feminine, more sensitive femme fatale, and Oshima as the shorthaired straight talking tomboy. It’s never directly stated they’re in a relationship (it’s an early 90’s Girls with Guns flick after all, not The Handmaiden), however they sleep in the same bed, and when Lee states she wants to leave the world of bloodshed behind later on, Oshima’s reaction is one of a scorned lover. The influence of Dreaming the Reality’s blurred relationship dynamics can be seen in similar movies, such as Ching Siu-Tung’s Naked Weapon, however unlike Siu-Tung’s 2002 feature, don’t expect any shower scenes here.

It’s during the attempt to intercept the agent with the floppy disk in Bangkok that Dreaming the Reality picks up its pace. It’s a suitably cool scene, that features such brutality as Lee shooting off the arm of the agent who the briefcase is handcuffed too (and subsequently has Oshima running around with said briefcase, complete with the dangling limb). It’s during the escape on motorbikes that Lee is knocked down, and finds herself washed up on a riverbank with memory loss. She stumbles across Hu and Lam, mercifully bringing the plot threads together at just short of an hour, and they take her in as a worker at the bar Hu runs. Despite Lee suffering from dream sequences that see her on the run from the Thai police (hence the movie’s title), she still finds herself falling for Lam’s aspiring boxer.

As is par for the course for these movies, her memory does eventually come back, just in time for everything to go to hell. Action choreographers Lung Sang and Fan Chin-Hung, who also worked together on the likes of Fire Phoenix and Holy Virgin Versus the Evil Dead, construct a fitting finale for the genre, providing plenty of Girls with Guns. Lee and Eddie Ko get a satisfyingly impact heavy throwdown against each other, that eventually spills over into an area filled with explosive trip wires, adding a significant sense of tension to their exchange. Despite the strength of the action though, it’s impossible to shake the feeling that the extended sequences with Hu and Lam’s bickering siblings, knock Dreaming the Reality down a few notches from its full potential. Proof that a dream cast doesn’t necessarily mean a dream movie, for those that have already exhausted the best that the Girls with Guns genre has to offer, Dreaming the Reality is definitely worth a look.

Paul Bramhall’s Rating: 6/10

The post Dreaming the Reality (1991) Review first appeared on cityonfire.com.

“Angels 2” Japanese Theatrical Poster

Director: Teresa Woo San
Cast: Alex Fong Chung-Sun, Moon Lee, Elaine Lui, Gary Siu Yuk Lung, Sin Ho Ying, Jackson Ng Yuk Su, Yuen Tak, Thomas Sin Ho-Ying, Chan Man-Ching
Running Time: 90 min.

By Paul Bramhall

The ‘Girls with Guns’ genre is generally considered to have been kicked off by the 1985 Corey Yuen movie Yes, Madam!, which introduced us to the femme fatale coupling of Michelle Yeoh and Cynthia Rothrock. The rest of the 80s were spent introducing us to a bevy of dangerous ladies – in 1986 we were given the ferocious pairing of Moon Lee and Yukari Oshima in Iron Angels, and in 1987 we were given yet another deadly duo with Cynthia Khan and Michiko Nishiwaki in In the Line of Duty 3.

Despite the talent of these ladies, the genre arguably always remained a tier below the output from their male counterparts. As time went on the action seemed to increasingly move to countries which had cheaper production costs, such as the Philippines and Malaysia, and by the mid-90s the ‘Girls with Guns’ genre had all but disappeared. For the few glorious years that these movies were getting produced though, the sheer number that got cranked out pretty much guaranteed at least a few minor classics. Often filled with copious machine gun fire and cheap and cheerful pyrotechnics, interspersed with moments of intense fight action, it’s easy to see why these kick ass gals gained a sizable following.

The original Iron Angels delivered a strong cast, apart from the aforementioned Moon Lee and Yukari Oshima, they were ably backed up by Alex Fong, Elaine Lui, and Shaw Brothers legend David Chiang, who essentially filled the role of Charlie in a Hong Kong version of Charlie’s Angels. Throw in Japanese star Saijo Hideki and Korean boot master Hwang Jang-lee, and it would be difficult not to have a good time. The movie is considered a classic of the ‘Girls with Guns’ genre, and spawned two sequels, the second of which has frustratingly yet to be released on DVD in any English speaking country.

It’s a shame, as while Iron Angels 2 is hardly a contender for an Oscar, it is a worthy addition to the genre. The three principal members of the original return in the form of Moon Lee, Elaine Lui, and Alex Fong, who essentially make up the team of angels. Why one of the angels has to be played by a guy is anyone’s guess, but in the pantheon of questions that could be raised out of Hong Kong’s movie output from the 80’s, this is probably one of the lesser ones.

The story concerns the angels being distracted from their holiday in Kuala Lumpur, when the host with whom they’re staying turns out to be an insane revolutionary. This is revealed in a wonderful speech when he explains that he wants to make “an Asia for the Asians”, and we get to see him kick back in the evening with a whiskey on the rocks, while watching videos of Hitler parading through the streets of Germany. Of course in an effort to flesh out the plot a little bit more, Elaine Lui becomes romantically involved with him, unaware of his extreme ideals, and if that wasn’t enough to push the run-time to a suitable length, the rest is padded out by travelogue like shots of Kuala Lumpur city.

While Iron Angels was hardly a big budget affair, it did get by on the merits of having a pair of strong adversaries in the form of Yukari Oshima and Hwang Jang-lee. Oshima seemed to relish her role of the vicious gang boss, and the whole movie stayed true to its genre origins by having Moon Lee and Elaine Lui ultimately have to rescue the captured Fong from her lair.

The sequel loses points somewhat in the fact that if anything, the shift in focus seems to be away from the ladies, and instead Fong is now the image of the macho 80’s Hong Kong action hero, seemingly able to beat up anyone who crosses his path. After playing the deadly leading lady in the Shaw Brothers classic Come Drink With Me, Cheng Pei Pei suffered a similar fate in its sequel Golden Swallow, when she played second fiddle to Jimmy Wang Yu. The only problem here is Alex Fong is no Jimmy Wang Yu, and director Teresa Woo is no Chang Cheh.

While I’m sure a more academically minded critic would be happy to draw comparisons between the notions of feminism between the original Iron Angels and its sequel, let’s face it, at the end of the day we’re all here for the action. Moon Lee would go on to make several movies together with Yukari Oshima, so the real question is how does she fare here with no promise of a final throw down with the Japanese beauty. Thankfully the answer isn’t a disappointing one, in large part due to the showdown that she has with the movies action director Yuen Tak.

Tak is one of the more unsung heroes of Hong Kong action cinema. Originally cast as a kind of Jackie Chan clone in the 1980 Shaw Brothers movie The Master opposite Chen Kuan Tai, he went onto to have a successful career as an action director, working on such movies as Dragon from Russia, while still occasionally making onscreen appearances, most notably returning as the villain in the 1997 version of Hero. Here Tak serves as action director and plays the head henchman, who happens to face off against Lee in a munitions hut in the finale. While their fight is frustratingly brief, what’s there is gold, as the two exchange a lightening fast flurry of feet and fists.

The fight is so good that it makes you realize that she’s just spent the majority of the movie wasted in what for the most part is a non-action role, while it’s Fong who gets given the majority of the movies action beats. While Fong is a passable screen fighter, the fight between Lee and Tak makes his scenes look like rehearsals. This is made even more glaringly obvious when straight after the showdown he’s given the final confrontation of the movie, which while not particularly bad, simply doesn’t stand up compared to the few seconds of excellence we’ve just bore witness to.

There’s also a whole lot of obligatory but satisfying machine gun fire and explosions in the finale, but despite it all, Iron Angels 2 remains a notch under the original. Later that same year Lee would be seriously burnt when she was caught in an explosion, which detonated early while escaping from a building on the set of the movie Devil Hunters, but like the strong female characters she portrayed on screen, she didn’t stay down for long. Hopefully movies like both Devil Hunters and Iron Angels 2 will some day make it onto DVD, and everyone can enjoy watching the ladies of Hong Kong cinema kick just as much ass as the men.

Paul Bramhall’s Rating: 7/10

The post Angel 2 | aka Iron Angels 2 (1988) Review first appeared on cityonfire.com.

“Jackie Chan Double Feature: Crime Story & The Protector” Blu-ray Cover

The following review is for Shout! Factory’s Jackie Chan Double Feature, which contains 1993’s Crime Story & 1985’s The Protector. To see detailed credits for each title, as well as additional reviews, please click on the links provided within the review below.

By HKFanatic

THE PROTECTOR

When Jackie Chan finally made it big in the United States with 1995’s “Rumble in the Bronx“, it stands to reason that he did it on his own terms – with a movie that was shot in his native language and displayed the full range of his comedic talents – since previous attempts to shoehorn Jackie into the Hollywood mold had failed miserably.

Back in 1980, Jackie teamed up with Robert Clouse, the director of “Enter the Dragon,” for “The Big Brawl,” a film that should have been Jackie’s emergence into the mainstream, except that Jackie wasn’t allowed any input into the fight scenes and Clouse was too intent on portraying Jackie as the next Bruce Lee. “The Big Brawl” failed miserably at the box office.

Five years later, another Western filmmaker seemed intent on repeating Clouse’s same mistakes. Low-budget exploitation director James Glickenhaus was handpicked by Jackie’s handlers at Golden Harvest for another try at introducing Jackie to the American market. The result was 1985’s “The Protector,” a buddy-cop action flick that was Jackie Chan by way of “Dirty Harry.” The film flew in the face of Jackie’s personal value system: Glickenhaus filled the movie to the brim with gratuitous nudity, excessive swearing, and bloody violence.

In an interview on Shout! Factory’s new Blu-ray release of “The Protector,” director Glickenhaus remains defiant about the film. He admits the only reason he made the movie was to visit Hong Kong and to try and emulate the Bruce Lee movies he enjoyed. He knocks Jackie by suggesting he was not a ‘real fighter’ like Bruce Lee and that Jackie’s comedic brand of kung fu would not have traveled well to Hollywood circa ’85. In all fairness, he might be right about this last point but one has to imagine American audiences would have been more receptive to a film like “Wheels on Meals” than the dour and depressing affair that is Glickenhaus’ American cut of “The Protector.”

Fortunately, Jackie knew better. Back in ’85, he returned to Hong Kong and assembled a few key players – including American Karate champion Bill Wallace and ‘Girls With Guns’ icon Moon Lee – to shoot new footage in Hong Kong. Jackie edited these new sequences into the film, while dubbing “The Protector” into Cantonese (and thereby removing the frequent f-bombs) and cutting all the nudity out. Jackie’s personal cut of “The Protector” was the version released throughout Asia and the film ended up doing decent business, although it did not perform as well as Jackie’s usual Hong Kong output.

Jackie’s version of “The Protector” has never been widely available in America but that all changes with Shout! Factory’s release. For better or worse, the HK version of the film is included on the same Blu-ray disc as “Crime Story“/”The Protector” and is only available in Standard Definition. The picture quality is, to put it bluntly, abysmal; but if you’ve spent decades watching Asian films on worn out VHS tapes or Tai Seng DVDs, you probably know how to deal with it by now.

The difference between the two cuts is night and day; Glickenhaus’ version moves slow as molasses in comparison, while Jackie’s cut has the kinetic energy of his 80’s Hong Kong work. The reshot bout between Bill Wallace and Jackie is arguably one of Chan’s finest fight scenes.  The American version of “The Protector” wallows in its own sleaze and violence for the sake of it, whereas Jackie’s cut is strictly about the action. Though it’s admittedly a little strange to see Danny Aiello dubbed in Cantonese; and it’s a shame that Moon Lee doesn’t get much to do in either versions of the film, but this was two years before her breakout action role in 1987’s “Iron Angels.”

CRIME STORY

Also available on Shout! Factory’s Jackie Chan Double Feature is Kirk Wong’s 1993 effort “Crime Story.” Wong pitched the film to Jackie as a way for the popular funnyman to stretch his dramatic chops in a more serious and sober-minded crime thriller. Jackie was initially onboard for the idea but ultimately box office pressure got the best of him; Jackie was worried the public wouldn’t accept him in a more psychologically tormented role, so he scaled back his character’s inner conflict and injected a bit more of the prop-heavy action one expects from a Jackie Chan movie. The final result is something of a mixed bag: one senses that the film is not the harrowing crime saga that Kirk Wong had in mind, but “Crime Story” is still one of Jackie Chan’s more interesting career diversions.

Although he’s been inactive during the last 12 years, Kirk Wong was always one of Hong Kong’s finest journeymen directors. From the “Blade Runner”-esque dystopic kung fu of “Health Warning” to the period actioner “Gunmen,” Wong tried his hand at several genres but always knew how to bring the action. “Crime Story” differentiates itself from other Jackie Chan films through its stunning visual palette; the sets are frequently awash in neon colors and several sequences feature some truly bravado crane shots. It’s perhaps not surprising that master stylist Andrew Lau (“Infernal Affairs”) served as one of four cinematographers on “Crime Story.”

Once Jackie decided that “Crime Story” wasn’t the venue to deconstruct his onscreen persona, Kirk Wong likely had no choice but to focus on the rote mechanics of the film’s kidnapping plot. The film is somewhat front-loaded with action: the story opens with a violent and daring shootout in the middle of the streets of Hong Kong, followed shortly thereafter by a jaw-dropping car chase. The screenplay loses momentum during its third act, particularly when Jackie becomes trapped inside a seemingly bottomless sea freighter and then later rescues a small child from an exploding building. Regardless of the lull in pacing, “Crime Story” is likely to satisfy those who are looking for the usual JC action as well as viewers interested in a more ‘serious’ Chan outing.

The good news is that the picture quality on Shout! Factory’s Blu-ray is above-average for Hong Kong films of this era. Bonus features for both films include an interview with Kirk Wong (“Crime Story”) and an interview with James Glickenhaus (“The Protector”). Whether you’re a longtime Jackie Chan film or simply looking to explore the hard-edged films in his catalog, the Jackie Chan Double Feature is an easy purchase to recommend.

HKFanatic’s Rating: 9/10

The post Jackie Chan Double Feature: Crime Story & The Protector (1993, 1985) Review first appeared on cityonfire.com.

“Zu: Warriors From Magic Mountain” Japanese Theatrical Poster

Director: Tsui Hark
Producer: Leonard Ho
Cast: Yuen Biao, Mang Hoi, Adam Cheng, Damian Lau, Sammo Hung, Moon Lee, Brigitte Lin, Norman Chu, Randy Man, Ha Kwong-Li, Tsui Hark
Running Time: 98 min.

By Numskull

An unrestrained martial arts fantasy extravaganza with ample tongue-in-cheek humor delivered with a smug “ain’t I a genius?” attitude by overpraised director Tsui Hark. This sugar rush of a movie bombards the audience with one special effects-laden action sequence after another until the whole production becomes a blur, largely devoid of truly memorable moments and remarkable only on account of its excesses. Antiquated special effects pop up all over the place as “fish out of water” Yuen Biao encounters numerous mystics and warriors with all sorts of supernatural powers (like a guy who can use his facial hairs as extendable appendages) and undertakes a quest to defeat the wicked Blood Demon and bring an end to a senseless war between rival factions who fight because…uh, they don’t like each other. I guess.

The storyline is (I assume) steeped in Chinese folklore and loaded with geek-friendly minutiae to which, I’m fairly certain, people more knowledgeable than myself attach all sorts of significance. I’d find out more, but frankly, I didn’t find the movie entertaining enough to justify the effort…and this is coming from a guy who goes on mini-shopping sprees in the Mythology & Folklore section at Barnes & Noble and was at the top of Mr. White’s Myth & Legend class in high school. The film is reasonably coherent as long as you resist the urge to turn your attention elsewhere, but the breakneck pace and relentlessness of the fantasy elements still make it feel like too much, too quick.

Maybe Tsui Hark should make another Zu movie now that more sophisticated special effects are available. Oh, hey, that’s right, he DID, and it bombed (rightly so, I might add). Oh well. Life is tough when you’re a hack director.

Numskull’s Rating: 5/10

By Vic Nguyen

Tsui Hark directed this groundbreaking special effects extravaganza which is a favorite among fans of Hong Kong’s fantasy genre. Features an all-star cast with names such as Yuen Biao, Sammo Hung, Meng Hoi, Brigitte Lin, Moon Lee, and Adam Cheng being the most memorable of the bunch. Although the special effects might seem amateurish by today’s standards, they are still impressive considering the budget, and the sheer imagination that the film possesses makes it an exhilirating thrillride until the end credits. A must for any Hong Kong enthusiast.

Vic Nguyen’s Rating: 8/10

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“Mr. Vampire 2” Theatrical Poster

Director: Ricky Lau
Cast: Lam Ching-Ying, Yuen Biao, Chung Fat, Moon Lee, Pauline Wong, Billy Lau, Wong Yuk Waan, Wu Ma, Stanley Fung Shui Fan, Hsiao Ho, James Tien
Running Time: 91 min.

By Numskull

“If you can keep your expectations tiny You’ll go through life without being so whiny.”

-Matt Groening, “Life in Hell”

One of the keys to living a happy life is to expect the worst. When you order pizza from a new place, expect it to taste like shit. When Wile E. Coyote is chasing the Road Runner, expect him to emerge victorious and feast on the defeated bird. When there’s a sequel to a movie that you really like, expect it to suck ass and generally be a disgrace to its predecessor. Then, you’ll be pleasantly surprised and relieved when the pizza tastes better than shit, the Road Runner continues to elude his/her/its predestined fate according to the food chain, and the movie fails to captivate you like the original did but still provides some amusement in typical sequel fashion.

The first Mr. Vampire is one of my favorite movies, ever…Hong Kong or otherwise. It’s not majestic, revolutionary film making, but it’s tremendous fun. It would be rather foolish of me to expect this sequel to live up to the precedent of quality set by the first film. Hence, I sat down to watch it fully prepared for it to pale in comparison. And it does, but, happily, not by as big a margin as I expected.

Several cast members return in different roles…in the case of star Lam “Unibrow” Ching-Ying (R.I.P.), he’s apparently a descendant of his character from the first film. Knowledge of what has previously transpired is somewhat helpful but not absolutely necessary, as Mr. Vampire 2 seems to be aimed at a bigger audience than its predecessor. The action has been relocated to the present day, and the undead marauders have a not-quite-definable quality that seems to place them closer to “vampires” as they are generally known in the Western world. I could have done without these changes, as the less modern setting and unapologetic “Asian-ness” of the hopping baddies from the first film where major contributors to its tremendous charm.

An archaeologist with two assistants, even more dunderheaded than last time (one of them sucks on toads…must be from Arkansas), uncovers a dead family. Not much chance of your average uppity Western P.C. type watching past the first few minutes…they tried to make the kid cute, but at the end of the day, it’s still a dead kid, y’know? Anyway, the adults run amok and a pair of chunky Chinese children choose to be chums with the kid.

Yuen Biao, a new face in the series, plays Lam Ching-Ying’s future son-in-law.  It’s a role in which he doesn’t get to display much of his uncanny athleticism, but hey, it’s not that kind of movie.  He has the bright idea of taking a photo of himself with the two adult corpses, and when they attack him, a jar of sedative gets knocked over and shatters. The liquid inside quickly vaporizes, and everyone in the room breathes the fumes and starts to move really slow (no, it’s not in slow motion…the people just move really slow). This scene goes on for way too long, but actually, there aren’t many scenes in the film to begin with…Mr. Vampire 2 can’t be accused of moving in a manner that’s too fast or choppy for its own good. Each scene takes its sweet time and the movie is thereby composed of easily definable chunks without getting dull or losing its sense of continuity. The only other scene (“chapter” would be a more appropriate term, but I don’t mean that in the DVD sense) I would say is too lengthy for its own good is the one where the kid vampire gets acquainted with the living kids. I’m tempted to say that the film would have been better off without him, but if that were the case, there would be a very real risk of it being too short and the story wearing thin too soon.

An interesting quote: “My master Sammo had Spooky Encounters. Now he’s met The Dead and the Deadly. As a result, he could suspend breathing. My name is Len Cheng-ying.”  That last part, I’m assuming, is  an alternate translation of actor Lam Ching-Ying’s name, and the reference to Sammo Hung’s films is due to the supernatural themes shared. The first Mr. Vampire’s “sticky rice” scene was obviously at least partially inspired by the “egg” scene in Spooky Encounters, but director Sammo Hung served as producer for Mr. Vampire and its sequel so he must have been cool with it. There’s also two guys who witness the adult vampires on the rampage…one says to the other, “Ever saw the movie Mr. Vampire?” This is followed by “It’s better than Mr. Vampire.”

No, it isn’t…but it’s good enough to appease fans of the original who don’t expect too much. Don’t think you’re obligated to watch this one just because you liked the first one, though…it’s not ashamed of cashing in on success, but it does aim to please.

Numskull’s Rating: 6/10

The post Mr. Vampire 2 (1986) Review first appeared on cityonfire.com.

“Princess Madam” Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Godfrey Ho
Cast: Sharon Yeung, Moon Lee, Michiko Nishiwaki, Anthony Tang, Liu Kai Chi, Yueh Hua, Kenneth Tsang, Cheng Yuen Man, Mark Houghton, Steve Tartalia, James Ha Chim Si, John Ladalski, Lau Shung Fung, Lee Chun Hwa
Running Time: 92 min.

By Brmanuk

Directed by the king of cut-and-paste Godfrey Ho, ‘girls and guns’ flick Princess Madam is actually one of the director’s better efforts. When a secretary agrees to testify in court against a semi-retired Triad boss, two cops, Moon (Moon Lee) and Lisa (Sharon Yeung), are ordered to protect her from being assassinated. When Moon kills a would-be assassin, his girlfriend (played by Michiko Nishiwaki) vows revenge. Matters are complicated further when Lisa’s stepfather, an accomplice of the Triad boss under investigation, is ordered to sever all ties with his stepdaughter. Add in a plot twist and you have a decent narrative which unfortunately becomes muddled due to shoddy editing.

The problem, it seems, is that Godfrey Ho couldn’t decide which plot line to focus on, and as such, Princess Madam meanders between numerous sub-plots before dropping most of them almost all-together. The film eventually finds its focus about half-way through and concentrates on Sharon Yeung’s character, Lisa, who is torn between upholding the law and honouring her stepfather. Yeung brings some surprising depth to her character and, along with Moon Lee, provides some decent, if slightly generic action sequences. With the presence of Moon Lee, Michiko Nishiwaki and Sharon Yeung, one would have expected the action scenes to have been better than they are. Whilst they are entertaining they certainly don’t break new ground, and the film has a tendency to rely a little too heavily on poorly choreographed shootouts.

Although the film appears to have been made very cheaply and, judging by the muddled editing, very quickly, Princess Madam is a fun flick which keeps a steady pace and never becomes boring. It’s just a shame that Godfrey Ho didn’t hire a better editor.

Brmanuk’s Rating: 6/10

The post Princess Madam | aka Under Police Protection (1989) Review first appeared on cityonfire.com.

“Mr. Vampire” Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Ricky Lau
Producer: Sammo Hung
Cast: Lam Ching-Ying, Chin Siu Ho, Ricky Hui, Moon Lee, Pauline Wong, Yuen Wah, Billy Lau, Choi Fung-Li, Wu Ma, Yuen Wah, Anthony Chan
Running Time: 98 min.

By Numskull

I sat down to watch Mr. Vampire at least half-expecting to see a Chinese Night of the Living Dead acid-trip shitfest, and to say that I was pleasantly surprised would be a big understatement. This isn’t some cheap-ass nonsense shot on less money than it takes to buy a blow job in a red light district. It’s a highly amusing romp with style, charm, and entertainment value coming out the wazoo.

Ethnocentric Westerners, don’t let the title “Mr. Vampire” fool you…you won’t find anyone even remotely resembling Bram Stoker’s Dracula or Anne Rice’s Lestat or even Brian Lumley’s Faethor Ferenczy anywhere in this film. The title (presumably) refers to Lam Ching-Ying’s character Kou, a courageous wise man who specializes in keeping the living safe from the restless dead. At times, though, mere knowledge and bravery just aren’t enough…you need some extra hands to get the job done. That’s why the intrepid Kou has a pair of assistants named Chou and Man Chor.

Their mission, should they choose to accept it (and, by the way, they do) is to protect young Ting Ting and her dad from the undead menace of Grandpa Yam. Business as usual except for Ting Ting’s meddling cousin Wai, the world’s most spectacularly incompetent cop, who makes life (and death) more difficult for everyone involved by virtue of his very presence. His biggest concern is that one of Kou’s wards will get to marry (or at least bone) cousin Ting Ting before he will.

Speaking of boning, there’s a very nifty sub-plot in which Chou is bewitched by a female ghost and is “forced” to bone her until he can bone no more. She then seizes control of his mind and attempts to make him her slave (isn’t that just like a woman?). Meanwhile, Kou’s other assistant Man Chor has a problem of his own. He has contracted the vampire disease (for lack of a better term) and must dance barefoot on uncooked rice and then be physically restrained at all times to keep himself from joining the ranks of the undead and harming his friends. Now, tell me, which of these hapless young men would YOU rather be?

Side note: the music heard whenever the female ghost appears reminds me of that “Nick-nack-paddy-whack, give the dog a bone (there’s that word again), this old man came rolling home” song.

Anyway.

The “action” category is not well suited for this film, but Mr. Vampire is at its best during its most kinetic scenes. The sight of cousin Wai frantically scrambling this way and that to elude one of the rampaging undead predators while Kou and Chou make attempt after desperate attempt to thwart the seemingly unstoppable vampire is one that will draw many a fond chuckle from you long after the movie is over. It’s a see-and-see-again flick if ever there was one.

Now, a word of explanation about Mr. Vampire’s villainous ghoulies, so you don’t say “What in the name of hell-bent fuck am I watching?” too much during the movie. Vampires, as portrayed in this film, bear little resemblance to the nocturnal bloodsuckers that most of us are familiar with. Instead, they’re pretty much animated corpses who hop around (the ground upon which the living trod burn their feet) and attack anyone who crosses their path. They are able to locate victims by honing in on the breath of the living…witness Kou and company holding their breath to escape a horrible fate with big nasty teeth. It’s like remaining motionless so as not to get gobbled up by the T-Rex in Jurassic Park.

Some may find this film too weird or cartoony or cheesy to have any real merit. Well, fuck “some”. Mr. Vampire is a priceless gem mined from a cave of shit and, despite its age, it will stay untarnished by time for those of us who appreciate a rip-roaring fun movie.

Numskull’s Rating: 9/10

By Perkele

Easily one of the best HK comedy movies I’ve seen [only rivals being a few Stephen Chow flicks], “Mr. Vampire” is a must for everyone interested in HK cinema [or fantasy/horror cinema for general]. While the first [and best] widely recognized HK “hopping vampire” movie was of course Sammo’s magnificent “Encounters of the Spooky Kind”, “Mr. Vampire” was the movie that actually started the whole genre.

Countless spin-offs include at least 4 sequels [plus them “Mr. Vampire ’92” stuff and so on] and countless other horrendous attempts trying to cash in with the then popular “vampire” trend (hey, at least they don’t do ’em anymore).

[A beginners guide to Chinese vampires: A Chinese vampire has actually very little to do with your usual western vampire. Chinese vampires, or rather gyonshies, are corpses that for some reason haven’t had a decent burial ceremony and thereforeÉ arch, fuck it. Just go watch the movie already and you have the necessary knowledge.]

I’ll skip the plot (you HAVE to watch this the movie anyway), but let’s reveal that there are a Taoist priest (played wonderfully by Lam Ching-Ying, no wonder he got to play the same character for the rest of his life) whose main concerns are a bunch of living dead on the loose and two rather idiotic assistants Chin Siu-Ho [who falls in love with a female ghost] and Ricky Hui [who gets bitten by a gyonshi].

There’s excitement, brief martial arts encounters [involving Lam Ching-Ying & Chin Siu-Ho battling vampires (i.e. Yuen Wah)], thrills [including a flying head], magic [surprisingly there’s not-too-bad special effects] and funny [what?] comedy. The movie also looks quite good like most of the 80’s bigger-budget films.

By the way, when you see the corgeous Moon Lee in this movie (as the daughter of the rich merchant), can you believe that this chick can really FIGHT (well if you can’t it, watch the finale of “Angels II”)?

Highly recommended.

Perkele’s Rating: 8.5/10

The post Mr. Vampire (1985) Review first appeared on cityonfire.com.

“The Protector” Japanese Theatrical Poster

Director: James Glickenhaus
Cast: Jackie Chan, Danny Aiello, Roy Chiao Hung, Sally Yeh Tse Man, Moon Lee Choi Fong, Bill Wallace, Shum Wai, John Ladalski, Fung Hak On
Running Time: 91 min.

By JJ Hatfield

This movie has two very different versions. The original version was made in the U.S. Jackie Chan made another attempt to break in to the movie market, even after “The Big Brawl” failed to find the fans. Jackie was almost as unhappy as many fans were with the U.S version of this movie.

The plot has Jackie as a cop in the US and partnered with Danny Aiello. They are two of New York’s finest, or something like that. Assigned to investigate the kidnaping of a wealthy businessman’s daughter the trail leads them to Hong Kong. There they find the kidnaping is somehow involved with manufacturing and smuggling drugs. Jackie has to save his partner and the kidnap victim as well as fight Bill “Superfoot” Wallace!

Clint Eastwood is Dirty Harry, not Jackie Chan. Having Jackie using big guns and tough one liners just did not work. Jackie uses comedy in his films not John Woo ballistic scenes. He was also hampered by his lack of English and had to depend on the director (James Glickenhaus) and others to tell him what US fans found humorous. Glickenhaus was a fool. He wasted Chan when he could have had a fairly good decent buddy movie.

Jackie went back to Hong Kong angry and upset. He decided to “fix” the movie and added more fights scenes, more action including the entire fight with Bill Wallace, with less inane nudity and bj’s. Involving more Hong Kong actors also raised the bar a bit. The fights are really nothing special but anything added by Jackie could only be an improvement. The result is a slightly chaotic but improved version. Still it can not be considered amongst Jackie’s best work. One way to tell the difference is by the cast. There are more Hong Kong cast members in the revised version.

If you are going to view this movie avoid the the US version. If there is a silver lining to this dark cloud hanging over his movie history it is this: Jackie was burned and learned from this experience and determined to make his own kind of police movie. That movie became “Police Story.”

JJ Hatfield’s Rating: 2/10 (U.S. version), 5/10 (Hong Kong version),

By Joe909

Possible conversation between director James Glickenhaus and anonymous financial backer, early 1985:

“So James, let’s hear what you’ve got.”

“Uh, well, [name deleted], it’s an idea I had for a cop flick. Two rogue officers, play by their own rules. Plus I’ve got some shit set in Hong Kong, like you asked.”

“Good. Golden Harvest wants this to be a total US-Hong Kong venture. I hear the studio head, some guy named Chow, has had his greedy eyes on the US market for a while. Jackie Chan’s his top attraction, I mean the guy’s like a god over there. Chow wants to break him in the US market. This could be an opportunity for you, James. This guy could be the next Bruce Lee.”

“Yeah, but that’s Hong Kong, [name deleted]. If this Ching guy thinks he can go from being a superstar over there to cock of the block in Hollywood, I’m sorry, but he’s fuckin nuts, you know?”

“I know where you’re coming from, James. But this is still a great opportunity. And his name is Chan. So let’s hear about the movie.”

“Okay, so it opens with midgets. Midgets and dudes straight out of Road Warrior. Mohawks, facepaint, armor.”

“So this is a post-Apocalypse type thing?”

“No. No, they’re just your average New York punks.”

“Okay.”

“So they rob a truck, right? And that’s the intro for our boy. He shows up with his partner, right on the scene of the crime.”

“He gets in a fight with the Road Warrior guys? I like that.”

“No, no, those guys are gone. We only see em in the opening. Uh, Jack shows up after it’s all over. But you know, we gotta set it up that New York’s one dangerous place, right?”

“So Jackie and his partner go after the mohawk guys, then?”

“No, no, they go to a bar.”

“A bar?”

“Right. Just to let off some steam, whatever.”

“So you mean we don’t even see these Road Warrior guys anymore? Or the midgets?”

“No, [name deleted], they got nothing to do with anything, okay? I just wanted to show some bizarre shit to get the ball rolling, you know?”

“Well, okay.”

“All right. Let’s say we’ve got these guys, I want em real hardcore, Vietnam vets lookin for the latest score. They’re gonna rob a bar, right? In the middle of the day.”

“Would the place even have any money?”

“Look, that doesn’t matter. These guys are hardwired, right? I’m talkin Mac-10s, Uzis, M-16s. They go in, and get this, it’s the same bar Jake and his partner just went into!”

“I like it!”

“Yeah. I mean, these guys are so hot to rob and kill, they just kinda charge on into the place. I mean, if one of em happens to bump into the door on the way in, we’ll keep it in the print, you know?”

“Make it look real-to-life.”

“You got it. And let’s say they’re holding the place up, and one of em I kinda picture him as a big dumb guy who likes plush toys goes back to the john, and there’s, uh, Jack back there, pissing. At least, that’s how it looks. But then the little fucker turns around, right, and real quick we see he’s got his .45 in his hands, instead of his cock. BLAM! Robber’s guts all over the wall.”

“I love it!”

“Maybe he could say something like, ‘Can’t a fuckin guy take a fuckin piss any-fuckin-more?’ or somethin like that.”

“Lot of ‘fuckins,’ there.”

“He’s a cop, right? ‘Fuck’ is his favorite word. I want this guy, this, uh ”

“Chan.”

“I want him to use ‘fuck’ as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, all that shit. Fuck, I want im to use it as a pronoun.”

“I don’t see where he’d have a problem with that.”

“But anyway, John’s partner gets wasted during the gunfight in the bar. And speaking of which, this gunfight’s gonna be the best EVER. Slow-motion, guys screaming while they empty clips on full-auto. I got this image in mind where Jake shoots this one dude, and I’m gonna get this super-slow motion shot of the guy just getting tossed like a ragdoll through a window.”

“Jackie’s partner gets killed?”

“Yeah, so that way we can work in a revenge angle. But anyway, he gets a new partner. Preferably white. Can’t have two ethnicities in the lead roles, right?”

“That’s box office poison. That’s death.”

“Gotta be someone good lookin. For the ladies. I doubt this Charlie guy’s got drop-dead good looks.”

“It’s ‘Jackie.’ So who’re you thinking?”

“Two words: Danny Aiello.”

“Perfect!”

“I got Danny’s character in mind as a Vietnam vet, just as crazy as Jake’s character is. Two supercops, right? Plus Danny’s always lookin for a fight, plus he don’t cotton to superiors, if you know what I mean. Hates authority. And everywhere he goes, he takes his Uzi. Got in mind lots of scenes of him screamin while he just lets loose a clip on full auto.”

“That’s great stuff. Maybe you can have it so that his clothing gets torn often. So he can show off his physique for the ladies.”

“You got it. Okay, so halfway through the flick, Jeff and Danny are gonna go to Hong Kong. Let’s say they’re over there cause they’re supposed to be protectin some chick, maybe the daughter of some American criminal. I have it in mind that they’re at some fancy fashion show ”

“With a catwalk and all that?”

“Nah, I was thinkin it could be more of a deal with models dancing, maybe a couple lights, you know. Then these crooks in ski masks just bust in the place and make off with her. And then Chen and Danny find out the next morning that she’s been taken to Hong Kong.”

“The crooks get her to Hong Kong overnight? That’s impossible! I’m telling you, that’s just impossible!”

“Say, I like that. I think I might give that line to Jake and Danny’s chief. I’ve got a real good, original idea for the chief, by the way. He’s always gonna be pissed off at the two of em, callin em ‘supercops,’ and shit. You know, just something totally different than what you’d normally see in a cop picture.”

“Great!”

“We’ll have it so, uh, our star, he knows through reputation of the Chinese dude who runs all the crime in Hong Kong. He’s behind the kidnapping of the chick our boy was protecting. I have him in mind kinda thin, reedy, slicked back hair.”

“We gonna get a local to play the part?”

“Fuck that. What’re we gonna have him do, speak whatever language they talk over there?”

“Cantonese.”

“Forget it. They’re all gonna speak English. When our boy’s talkin to the bad guy, I don’t care if both of em were born and raised in Hong Kong, they’re gonna speak in English.”

“Well, there’s a problem there, James. I just got word that Jackie’s English isn’t very good.”

“How bad is it?”

“Let’s just say he’ll need to learn his lines phonetically.”

“I don’t understand what that means.”

“It means we’ll have to hire someone to teach him how to say all of his lines: pronunciation, delivery, everything.”

“FUCK! Now you tell me this shit! I thought you told me he’s made a coupla movies over here already?”

“The Cannonball Run pics and something that ‘Enter the Dragon’ guy, Bob Clouse, directed. All of it shit.”

“Oh, yeah. I loved Cannoball Run 2. He was in that?”

“He was the Japanese guy in the high-tech car.”

“So he’s Japanese?”

“No, he just played one.”

“Same difference. Now let’s talk boat chases.”

“Okay.”

“I want at least five of them.”

“Genius!”

“I want this guy, this whatsisname, Johnnie?”

“It’s Jackie, James. You know, like Gleason.”

“I want this little fucker to LIVE on a boat. Someone steals a woman’s purse, I want the bastard on a boat, chasing his ass. Fuck, he’s in the DESERT, I want a boat chase. Oh, shit.”

“What’s wrong? People love boat chases, right?”

“It’s not that. I mean, this guy’s from China, right? He’s probably never even SEEN a boat before. You know how that place is. Lots of shantytowns and villages full of VC and shit, fish heads and rice for dinner. We’ll probably have to stunt-double him for the boat chases.”

“I’m figuring we’re gonna have to stunt-double him throughout.”

“No shit. I mean, all those people make are chop-sockies, right? Nickel and dime budget, lots of punching and kicking.”

“No boat chases!”

“Exactly. No boat chases! Shit, there goes my idea for havin him dangling from a helicopter. The little bastard would probably run away as soon as the blades got going.”

“But about these boat chases, James you’ll have to make sure people know where they’re taking place. I mean, we spend the money to shoot in Hong Kong harbor, we’d better get plenty of shots of the place.”

“[name deleted], you know me. I have a reputation in this industry as a master of establishing shots. You wanna make sure people know we’re in Hong Kong? I’m gonna make parts of this movie into a fuckin travelogue! Shit, even for the New York boat chase I’m gonna have at least twenty shots of the Empire State Building, the Twin Towers, and the Statue of Liberty jammed in there.”

“So how’s it all going to end?”

“Well, Danny and our boy basically take on all of Hong Kong’s underworld. I got some great shit in my head, can’t wait to get it on film. Like the main bad guy, he’s got this drug lab that only employs ladies. But the thing is, they’re all naked!”

“Oh, have them wearing white tennis shoes, and that’s it.”

“Huh?”

“I’ve always had a thing for naked women in white tennis shoes. I don’t know why.”

“Hey, you’re puttin up the money. Whatever you want. I’ll even try to work in a totally-gratuitous close-up of some jugs while one of em’s bagging up some dope.”

“Make em saggy ones.”

“Huh?”

“Saggy tits in the close-up. The saggier the better.”

“Uh, okay. Yeah, sure.”

“Do you have some fireworks in mind for the finale?”

“That’s the best part. The final battle, right? The main Hong Kong villain’s got Jackson stuck in some sort of construction rig.”

“How’d he get there?”

“Who cares? Audiences’ll only be paying attention to the action scenes, anyway. I’ll just make up the story shit as I go along. So the villain’s circling around in a helicopter, shooting at our boy, let’s say with a Mac-10 or something.”

“From a helicopter? Would a Mac-10 even be an accurate weapon from so far away?”

“Who cares? But anyway, Chang will somehow lure the helicopter closer, and get hold of the rig’s controls. And then BLAM! He drops a couple tons of some shit right on the helicopter!”

“Just blowing the villain out of the sky.”

“You got it! And I have it all in my head, right? I mean, we’ll keep the camera on Johnnie there in the rig, and we’ll see the helicopter explode outside, but here’s the genius part: we’ll hear the villain scream AFTER the helicopter’s exploded!”

“It defies all laws of reality! I love it! You have any ideas for the soundtrack?”

“Don’t worry about that. They’ve got those demo keyboards you can play for free, over at Radio Shack. I’ll just get one of the assistants to go over there on his lunch break and come up with some stuff.”

“Okay, let’s go with it. I’ll call Jackie’s people, get him over here. I just have one minor concern, James.”

“What’s that?”

“Well, let’s say Chan isn’t happy with the final product. What if he takes the finished movie and re-cuts it, makes it more like his usual-type flick, and releases his version in Hong Kong?”

“That’s preposterous! Asians can’t make movies!”

Joe909’s Rating: US version (as a “movie” movie): 5/10; (as a work of pure 1980s cheese): 9/10

By The Great Hendu

If we could liken Jackie and Danny Aiello to two different vehicles Jackie would be a well maintained candy apple red Lamboughini and Aiello would be an old, ugly, beatup, rusty ’68 Ford pick-up with the bed torn off and replaced with a rotting wooden platform. HOW can these two guys be put in the same universe? If Sammo had taken this script and juiced it up and replaced Aiello with like, say, Yuen Biao, I think it could have been a decent movie. But, as is, it pretty much bites.

There are a few minor stunts, lots of shooting, very little fighting and a semi-decent motorcycle jump by Jackie. At the end of the movie Jackie fights Bill Wallace. Now we all know the possibilities are endless, but what a major disappointment it was! It could have been as good as Jackie vs The Jet, but it fell far, far short of that. It’s no wonder Jackie was disillusioned by the American market!

The Great Hendu’s Rating: 3.5/10 (U.S. Version)

By James H

There are so many things wrong with this movie, I don’t know where to begin. First we have a really bad director (Did anyone see “McBain”?), a lame plot and bad acting, except for Jackie, of course.

The action was very bad, fights seemed slow and chases were boring. Glickenhaus (who also wrote this trash) is totally at fault. He does to an action movie what a hammer does to fixing your stereo. The fights are bogged down with slowmotion crap (not the cool John Woo way) and the chases are lack excitement because they are shot from too far away. I could go into MUCH more detail, about how to film a better chase, but I won’t.

Probably the worst part of the movie was teaming Jackie with Danny Aiello (who was good in “Hudson Hawk”). He had such great lines like: “Let’s get those fuckers!”, “Gimme that fuckin’ thing!” and my favourite “Drop the gun, motherfucker!”. I mean, really, all he did was pull out his gun and swear at the bad guys. I also had a problem with the nudity in this film. Really, what kind of sick mind does Glickenhaus have? What ever made him think of having naked women in the drug manufacturing plant? Another thing that bothered me was the music. Ken Thorne, who butchered John Williams brilliant music in “Superman II” and “Superman III”, can’t write a decent theme to save his life.

There were maybe one or two cool kicks and moves, but that was it. My friends and I made a better film in Media class this year. I just wish I had those 95 minutes of my life back.

James H’s Rating: 2/10 (U.S. Version)

By Vic Nguyen

The American version of the Protector is easily one of Jackie Chan’s worst films ever. This version (HK) of the Protector is a major improvement, but was still lacking. The problems that I had with both versions of the Protector is the lack of comedy. Jackie Chan is a gifted comedian, and taking that away from his films is a complete waste unless you have a good dramatic script, and the script for the Protector is far from dramatic.

Still, the Hong Kong version had it’s strong points, especially the fight scenes. There are two new added fight scenes in the Hong Kong version, one wiith Jackie fighting 2 guys in a weight room and the other involving two friends and gangsters in a ship yard, but was still good. The major difference between the two versions is the final fight between Jackie and Bill Wallace. The fight is much faster and is more exciting. The original version’s final fight is short, with the standard punch, kick, block and repeating. This version adds acrobatics which reminds us of the old Jackie.

There is also a subplot added with ” The Killer” costar Sally Yeh. But by far the best thing about the Hong Kong version is that all of the gratuitous nudity and bad language were taken out, which is a trademark of American style B movies. Overall, the Hong Kong version of the Protector is the best version available and is worth the extra effort to find it. When you watch this version, you will forget all about the Glickenhaus piece of crap.

Vic Nguyen’s Rating: 2/10 (U.S. Version), 7/10 (Hong Kong version)

By Clint

I have only seen the American version of this poor excuse for a JC movie. I have heard that there were major improvements on it in the HK version. I have to locate a copy of that somewhere. You couldn’t find a worse script than the one this movie contains. I am not even going to point out the really bad lines in the film. No comedy in this movie at all.

The fighting is about as bad as in a Van Damme film, with the exception of Bloodsport and Cyborg, but back to the film at hand. Two halfway decent fight scenes stick out in this movie, they are the massage parlor scene, and the finale in the warehouse. What better place to hold a finale? Oh yeah, JC flips a gun off the carpet and catches it long before he did it in Operation Condor. That’s about all you get from the protector. If you must see this film, they show it on basic cable frequently.

Clint’s Rating: 2/10 (U.S. Version)

The post Protector, The (1985) Review first appeared on cityonfire.com.

“Twinkle Twinkle Lucky Stars” Japanese Theatrical Poster

Director: Sammo Hung
Cast: Sammo Hung, Richard Ng, Stanley Fung, Eric Tsang, Michael Miu, John Sham, Jackie Chan, Yuen Biao, Rosamund Kwan, Sibelle Hu, Chung Fat, Yasuaki Kurata, Richard Norton, Philip Ko, Andy Lau, Lau Kar Wing, Dick Wei, Anthony Chan, Charlie Chin, Chin Kar Lok, Kara Hui, Chin Siu-Ho
Running Time: 90 min.

By Numskull

More of the same, but a little better.

I’m a little annoyed that I waited so long to see this one. It suffers from the same pacing problems found in several of Sammo Hung’s other movies, but this time ’round I didn’t mind as much. The humor is still juvenile, but it’s a little funnier. There’s still an agonizingly long scene or two where Sammo and his buddies go to absurd lengths for a couple of cheap thrills, but it’s a little easier to stomach. Yuen Biao still doesn’t have as much to do as his older Peking Opera School brothers, but at least he’s not absent for 95% of the film like he was in My Lucky Stars (which, come to think of it, I’ve never seen in its full length form, having foolishly bought the Arena video tape several years back. Damn…).

Drooling fanboys who think that Jackie Chan and Jet Li are the only significant Chinese superstars there are will most likely sleep through the first half hour as Sammo Hung, Sibelle Hu and company take center stage. Richard Ng (why the hell does this guy ALWAYS wear shorts in Sammo’s movies?) tries to learn black magic so that he can make the chicks hanging out at a resort fall in love with them. Most of the humor is equally lowbrow, without really being vulgar.

Jackie Chan, Yuen Biao, and their new partner Andy Lau make their entrance with a bang, taking on a slew of low-rent thugs in a very nice fight scene set in a warehouse. You can tell this is Sammo’s doing…old school fighting the way it was meant to be, with no wires, none of that fake-looking step-by-step choreography that plagues all those 1970s chop socky movies, none of Jackie’s clowning around and excessive use of props, etc. I’m not saying that these things can’t be amusing, but I prefer my ass-kicking to be a bit more straightforward. The same rules generally apply to the other fight scenes throughout the film, including Jackie’s duel with Richard Norton (the OTHER Richard who’s in lots of Sammo films) and the thrilling finale, which doesn’t cut rapidly back and forth between the various combatants, thus creating an odd sensation that all of this chaos ISN’T happening at the same time, but what the hell, sometimes it’s better to just let the fighting breathe flesh itself out.

Michelle Yeoh makes a cameo appearance as a judo instructor. She makes Richard Ng a lucky man by sitting on top of him. Then Sammo makes Michelle an unlucky woman by doing the same thing to her.

There’s a bit of a plot hole with Jackie and Andy having to protect some bad guy with the matter of “why” not exactly being crystal clear, but it’s not that important. There are a couple of other stupid points, like Ms. Wang failing to notice that there’s no evidence of a fire the morning after Sammo and his friends convince her that the house is ablaze, and the sniper in the bathroom falling for that “blind girl” act (come ON!!!), but the film gets by on the merits of its action and, to a lesser extent, its comedy, and, at the end of the day, is a pretty satisfactory experience.

Numskull’s Rating: 7/10

By Clint

My favorite lucky stars flick due to the great fighting. Sammo finally editied together some great fight scenes in this “Lucky stars” movie. The comedy is just like “My Lucky Stars” because nothing is really funny by itself, but all of the funny scenes combined give a little bit of comedy satisfaction. There are four good fights… JC, Yuen Biao, and Andy Lau vs. many in the warehouse….Samo vs. those chicks, at least I think they were chicks… JC vs. Richard Norton…..and the superb finale with Yuen, Samo, and JC all kicking ass. I actually recommend this “Lucky stars” effort, even though JC is not in it much.

Clint’s Rating: 7/10

By Louis Stevens

This film is excellent, the biggest and most expensive of all the lucky stars movies, the begining has a monster of a fight with Jackie and Yeun Biao taking on about 30 guys in a ware house, the humour is great, the only thing is Jackie was injured so the fight filled ending was done with Sammo intsead, but it’s still a great movie, from what I remember this has more Jackie in it than the other lucky stars flick, yeah watch this!

Louis Stevens’ Rating: 8/10

The post Twinkle Twinkle Lucky Stars | aka The Target (1985) Review first appeared on cityonfire.com.

“Beauty Investigator” US DVD Cover

Director: Lee Tso Nam
Producer: Cheung Bo-Wing
Cast: Moon Lee Choi-Fung, Yukari Oshima (Oshima Yukari), Gam Chi-Gei, Chui Jing-Yat, Sophia M Crawford, Melvin Wong Gam-San, Billy Ching Sau-Yat, Peter Yang Kwan, Billy Chow Bei-Lei, Shum Wai, Chung Faat, Tai Bo, Jackson Ng, Ng Ming-Choi, Dang Taai-Woh, Kei Ho-Chiu
Running Time: 90 min.

By Brmanuk

Two bickering partners are ordered to go undercover at a hostess club in order to capture a ‘sexual maniac’ who is murdering women. Whilst scouting out the club they learn that a triad gang is planning a war with a rival Japanese gang over arms trading. In an attempt to impress their superior, the cops decide to take on both cases whilst avoiding a mysterious female Japanese assassin who is working for the Triad gang.

Despite being a fairly average girls and guns actioner, I rather enjoyed Beauty Investigator. The scenes in which the two undercover girls try to avoid the advances of perverted old men are amusing and light-hearted, although the comedy is a bit forced at times. As always Moon Lee and Yukari Oshima are fantastic and deliver some great action scenes including an excellent car chase. Towards the end of the film there is a shocking and completely pointless twist that would have spoiled the film had it not been for the satisfying warehouse finale in which the girls blast and kick their way through hordes of bad guys.

Beauty Investigator doesn’t break any new ground and is as clichéd as they come, but that’s what I enjoyed about it; I knew exactly what to expect and the film delivered. And isn’t that what you want from genre cinema? Although the Universe VCD is rated Cat III, for better or worse the infamous Sophia Crawford shower scene was edited out.

Brmanuk’s Rating: 6/10

The post Beauty Investigator (1993) Review first appeared on cityonfire.com.

“The Champions” Theatrical Poster

Director: Brandy Yuen
Cast: Yuen Biao, Dick Wei, Fung King Man, Cheung Kwok Keung, Gam Biu, Moon Lee Choi Fong, Eddie Ko Hung, Tino Wong Cheung, Ho Pak Kwong, Johnny Cheung Yiu Wah, Brandy Yuen Jan Yeung, Cheung Ging Boh
Running Time: 94 min.

By Vic Nguyen

A mischevious country boy, who after many amusing situations, becomes Hong Kong’s soccer king.

This early Yuen Biao vehicle is an entertaining blend of light comedy and some of the best soccer sequences ever commited to film. Here, Ah Biao stars as an acrobatic country hick from the sticks who must flee out of town after inadvertantly injuring a wealthy socialite during an innocent competition. While exploring the area, he runs into a soccer team who discovers his talents, and subsequently joins the team.

Despite the martial arts adept cast, there is little to no fistacuff duels in this film, instead, the action all involves well choreographed soccer games that are every bit as exhilarating. Yuen Biao, at the prime of his career, gives a fun performance, while Dick Wei provides a great portrayal as the arrogant villain. An underrated gem that unfortunately does not receive the attention it deserves.

Vic Nguyen’s Rating: 8.5/10

The post Champions, The (1983) Review first appeared on cityonfire.com.